My younger son turned 6 a few months ago. He takes after his parents and is a bit rough around the edges and not easely boxable. He loves to challenge him self and others, change the rules and experience life. Because of all this he has gotten extra attention this winter from school staff and us the parents and it seems to have done the trick! He has become more aware of the rules and how children “should” behave.

But is it the best thing for him?
Who is he and what can he be?
I have noticed through all this that he has become too aware of him self and now I am picking up the pieces of his broken self image. It got me thinking. Why the hell do we do this?
I have been trying to do this as well as possible. With the school and with focused attention. granny-days, Mommy-days and creative activities. Most of it helped but the aim was to what? Change him to something he is not? Make him a better version of himself? Do we know who he is?

The school has talked about ADHD but he has always scored just belove the line that makes a kid “abnormal”. When you think about it you realize that ADHD is not an actual state in the same sense as being bald or having 6 fingers. It is a bunch of behavioral characteristics used to define a group of people that use up more space than the rest. Someone made it up!

I know that ADHD is a real problem for parents and I am not saying that it is not. But I am wondering about the methods we use to deal with it. What happens for example if we raise a whole generation of children where space consuming behavior is erased? We are raising the first medicated generation now. Will it better our society? Who will challenge the way that the rest of us think? Who will come up with all of the new ideas?

One of our strongest need is to belong. I was an active and attention seeking child and I completely lost myself on my quest to belong. It might not have bad intentions to ask a child to stop talking, move away from the TV (when dancing in front of it) or relax but it all has the same message. You do not belong here! It is a bit devastating when you cant help your self. Make a thing out of it. Debate night! Dance shows in the living room! Or better yet complement and encourage your child to create and express it self!! Empower their voice. They matter and they have the power to change an rethink when others do not.

I am not saying that my methods are the best. I am still learning and I hope that I can share new experiences and findings as they come.

For us sleeping habits are most important. Less sleep will result in more disruption and challenging behavior. It is not a good feeling for him. He is also happy when he can have some control over what he can do and the freedom to do it. His independence is his “drug of choice”. For that we are lucky to live in Reykjavik where he is able to explore and play more freely than he would in larger communities. But we need to find that balance between independence and rules. The trust has to be there and the line that he can not cross.

My son has amazing talents that exceed his age group and flaws where other kids exceed him. His physical abilities are unbelievable but normal for someone that trains as hard as he does playing. He is very creative and wonders a lot about people. He is very curious and constantly seeking knowledge and asking questions. He was “mouse-able” around 3 and has known his way around the internet for a few years. He follows his will without hesitation and always has. He is completely independent.
But he has great difficulties standing in line!

My wish for him is that he finds a way to coexist with other people better. He has a lot of love and would never hurt anyone intentionally. He has the purest heart I know. I hope that I can help him find his passion where all his great abilities are useful.

I went to listen to Dalai Lama talk when he came to Reykjavik and the most interesting message from him was that you can never give children too much love. And it is not about things and giving them all the control. It is about excepting them as they are and water them like plants so they can reach their potential. They all have that special thing.

What are your thoughts on this subject?

Hulda

(photo credit: Yogendra174)